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Experiencing denial, especially when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. Someone is turning you down, giving a firm “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I began submitting manuscripts half a century past, right after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had several works turned down, along with article pitches and countless essays. Over the past two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the refusals have multiplied. In a typical week, I face a rejection multiple times weekly—totaling over 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession run into thousands. At this point, I might as well have a master’s in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining tirade? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

How Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: Now, just about everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I’ve never kept score my success rate—it would be very discouraging.

A case in point: recently, a publication rejected 20 articles in a row before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, at least 50 book publishers vetoed my memoir proposal before one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. An editor even asked that I send my work only once a month.

My Steps of Setback

In my 20s, each denial hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my creation being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? How could editors be overlook my talent?
• Next, denial. Surely it’s the mistake? It has to be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can they know? Who appointed you to judge on my work? You’re stupid and their outlet is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• After that, anger at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (often seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, depression. I lack skill. Worse, I’ll never be any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Company

Of course, I was in fine company. Stories of authors whose books was originally declined are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his high school basketball team. Most American leaders over the recent history had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and bid to appear were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and persevere, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my later years, I achieved the seventh stage of setback. Acceptance. Today, I grasp the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an publisher may have just published a like work, or have one underway, or just be thinking about something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor believes I lack the credentials or standing to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the work I am peddling. Or was too distracted and reviewed my piece too fast to see its quality.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are within it. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my grammar, particularly dashes, was unacceptable.

The key is that, despite all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a autobiography, at older—and over numerous essays. These works have been published in newspapers big and little, in regional, worldwide sources. An early piece was published when I was 26—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

Still, no bestsellers, no author events in bookshops, no spots on popular shows, no speeches, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more easily take rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest achievements have cushioned the blows of my frequent denials. I can afford to be reflective about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but only if you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will likely just keep seeing denial incorrectly. What teachings have I acquired?

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